A Typical Nigerian Mother – Tribune Online

Lola, you have a meeting in 10 minutes. Please come to the board meeting, her colleague tapped her shoulder when she noticed Lola was deep in thought. A board meeting that day took 5 hours off Lola’s agenda.

Her phone rang after the meeting, she jumped up excitedly to pick up the phone, oh my dear daughter, I’ve been trying to reach you… it was Lola’s mother. She heard the disappointment in Lola’s voice. She paused and asked Lola how her day was and that she was only calling to see how she was doing. I’m fine Mom, Lola replied. She was disappointed it wasn’t Craig’s voice on the phone.

Lola couldn’t contain her disappointment; Mom, are you in a place where you can talk, Lola asked her mother.

Oh yes, my love, what’s the matter? She thought for a moment whether it was a good idea to share her love life with her mother or not. She felt like she was looking for trouble doing this, but needed someone who knew her to tell her if she was doing the right thing.

Mom, do you remember the man I told you about? I met him a few weeks ago, his name is Craig. We’ve been dating, I mean dating a few times, not really serious. She quickly tried to explain what dating meant so that her mother thinks they aren’t dating or in a serious relationship yet. Lola believes dating is what friends do so they can get to know each other and that doesn’t mean there is a plan to get married. She was already anticipating pressure from her mother and she just stopped resisting the urge to continue with the story because she could foresee what would happen next.

Oh mama forget it, so how was your day? Hopefully you didn’t miss your last check-up at the clinic. Lola didn’t know her mother was already dancing on the other end of the phone. Her mother began to sing…” What the Lord has done for me, I cannot tell it all. What the Lord has done for me, I cannot tell it all.” Halleluyah… Halleluyah… Halleluyah… all my prayers and fasting have not been in vain.

She expressed as much joy on the phone as a typical Nigerian mother excited about their child’s plan to get married.

The kind of behavior that is typical of a Nigerian mother in certain situations When you say, ‘Mom, I feel sick and she replies, ‘Why don’t you feel sick when you press your phone since morning’ or when you say I came 2nd in my class and she replies ‘so whoever came first has two heads, abi?’ If you’re watching TV with her and she sleeps in and still doesn’t want you to change channels.

This is when you ask me when he comes to meet the family, abi mama, Lola replied trying to summarize her mom’s answers before it turns into a long speech and before she turns it into a movie.

Mom, I said he’s my good friend, that’s all.

If he’s your good friend, why are you telling me about him, are all your good friends you’re telling me about, Mama replied in a malicious tone.

Please, oh, I’m getting old and want to carry my grandchildren before I die. Please participate in what God has started in your life and let us celebrate with you. At least your father’s family won’t bother me about your love life anymore.

Okay, mom, I have to go. I’ll call you later in the evening. Please don’t tell anyone about wedding plans, because there aren’t any; basically forget the whole story I just shared with you.

Mo ti gbo… Lola’s mother reacted mischievously and smiled.

Craig, on the other hand, faced a dilemma from Lola’s “blatant no” to his request.

He remembers how many times his mother told him the story of his childhood and how he was such a shy baby. Until he was fifteen he could barely mumble his words.

Did I say something wrong? Did I speak at the wrong time? Did I stutter? A lot of “I have” kept flying through Craig’s head all day.

His phone rang and his childhood friend on the line. Hey Oga Craig, how are you? If you refuse to call anyone, I’ll tell you to call. Let’s have a drink tonight, there’s a new joint close to your office, let’s catch up and relax. I’ll see you at 7pm, is that a good time? Craig immediately jumped on the offer.

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