We met at the immigration office. The seats (in the waiting hall) were occupied and that meant I had to stand. He didn’t let me down. He got his chair up in front of me and stood instead. Shortly after, there was a vacant seat next to me and he sat down. We started talking about all kinds of things. We also shared personal experiences on certain issues and he told me the one who “did” him at the time.
It had to do with a lady he likes so much, who doesn’t return the energy. He even said her rejection “hurts because the person she’s settling on isn’t even my level.” He told me that he is an accountant with multiple degrees and professional certifications and that he has a paid job.
I wouldn’t know if he thought I was just looking at him and not paying attention to what he said because the next thing he said to me was “You just stare at me and don’t talk anymore. Are you sure you spirit is still there?’
He was right! I was watching and not talking because my mind was busy putting myself in the shoes of the lady he was talking about. I wondered if I had acted differently.
From our interaction, his manners are impressive and his educational background gives him the pedigree that should make him an ideal CATCH for many ladies, but his skin is severely bleached!
You see, the average woman’s understanding of the word MAN is VERY traditional and the most rigid in reality. Our brain has so idealized it in looks, approach and drive in a man that a different reality can easily cause a shift in the MAN we see in him.
For example, in the mind of the average woman, skin whitening alone has reduced his masculinity to about 70 percent. There was a message I got from a lady some time back.
It read, “How seriously should a woman take a man who has long fingernails and twerks when he dances.” It was helpful to downplay her concerns (as long as he doesn’t hit her and has a reasonable source of income, the new standards by which relationships are measured), but I knew where those questions came from. And it most likely comes from a place that doesn’t see him as ONE MAN in his entirety.
Such dispositions are not intended to appear condescending or judgmental. It’s more how the average woman’s brain is wired to understand the connotation of the word ONE MAN.
Perhaps, from this perspective, we can now begin to understand how diminished the masculinity of a man who does not get their money’s worth (in offering, protection and sexual satisfaction) is in a woman’s eyes.
When a woman is said to “do” someone the man in her life is better for, the reality is that she went for someone she thought was more of a MAN than him.
The flip side of this reality is why a MISLED woman would rather regard a man with polite manners as just ‘a gentleman’ but not a MAN.
Or why she would rather tolerate the excesses of one man and abuse the refined approach/leniency of another. Most times a woman says, “You’re not a man,” the purport of that statement is far from just your ability to father children.
It is why men who understand the workings of a woman’s mind KNOW well that they should focus their energies on cultivating the MAN within themselves.
However, there are women who have trained their minds to accommodate certain “shifts” in how our minds are set to see ONE MAN.
Sometimes happiness is doing certain realities with a closed eye.